It may seem that “men are from Mars” and “women are from Venus,” and as a man with many female friends and many women clients, I’m here to share both sides of the conversation.
What a woman may think is proper behavior in dating and relationships, a man might believe is way off-base and a deal breaker.
Here are some of the major ways women sabotage their own relationships. (Oh, and men do this as well.)
Before you read it ask yourself, “How many of these am I doing or have I done?”
1. Overanalyzing Every Word (Or Close To it!)
Typically, a man can say or do something without much thought. On the other hand, women tend to spend hours discussing the nuances in what a man said or did with a girlfriends. They will break down every part of the communication. Was it a text? Did it have a smiley face? What time did you text? How many texts that day? etc.
I know it’s hard not to overthink things when you’re dating since you don’t always know where a man stands, especially since some of them aren’t good at communicating their feelings and emotions.
If he didn’t contact you today or didn’t make plans far enough in advance, just go with the flow. He’s probably busy or having a bad day or week. You don’t know.
Obsessing with your girlfriends won’t get you any closer to the solution. You’ll end up confronting him with your overdrawn conclusions, getting mad and driving him towards the nearest exit.
2. Not Having Your Own Life
I see way too many people getting involved in relationships too quickly and investing emotions too quickly when they don’t yet know the person fully.
Don’t start having your life revolve around someone you met a month ago. You’ve lived a long time on your own just fine, so don’t keep yourself from doing what you desire.
When you over invest you give your power away. It’s easy to start the habit of placing yourself second to others and not setting the proper boundaries.
Live your own life with your own friends, career, dinners and events, etc. A man who is really interested in you will be open to compromising on doing things you enjoy.
3. Reeking Of Desperation
Neediness is a major turnoff. It shows that you’re insecure, have low self-esteem and that you’ll need constant reinforcement.
If he’s out with friends, leave him be. Don’t go around checking social media to see what’s going on.
4. Thinking Negatively
This isn’t referring to genuine concerns about your relationship or sharing how you feel; it refers to the negative questions and statements that try to elicit a response. For example: “Why don’t you tell me you love me anymore?” or “I bet you are going to break up with me.”
Instead of trying to “fish” for information, just ask him. If you want a man to be straightforward, honest and transparent, then act the same way.
5. Trying To Change Him
Trying to change someone is not recipe for a happy and healthy long-term relationship.
There is nothing wrong with encouraging someone to be the best they can be or helping them see other options. But no guy wants to have his “mom” tell him what to do and what he’s doing wrong.
Acting like this mother makes him feel like he’s not good enough.
If you need to nag and criticize someone for not living up to your expectations, you are with the wrong person. Would you want someone else to do that to you?
6. Expecting (Or Giving) Too Much Way TOO Soon
Stop trying to make a one-month relationship mean more than it is. The pressure of getting clingy or emotional too soon pushes people away.
It’s great to be excited about being with someone, but you don’t need to talk marriage and kids on the second date.
7. Looking For Problems
If you look for problems, chances are you are going to find them. For example, if you are afraid of being rejected, you may misinterpret things and try to reject him first. If you have a negative mindset, you’re going to create a negative reality.
Sure, you’ve had some bad relationship experiences in the past, but you need to work on those issues before dating again. Remember: You make your past your present when you keep carrying that baggage forward.
8. Talking About The Ex
If you bring up your exes or your past relationships, you are on the road to driving a man away. There is no reason to bring them up early on in a relationship. If you need to vent, go talk to your friends!
Ladies … men make a lot of mistakes too, and they commit many of the same ones as you do (and different ones). No one is perfect, but you can take steps to prevent sabotaging your current and future relationships.
You deserve happy, healthy, and extraordinary relationships. The first step is to love and like yourself. If you can’t do that, you won’t be able to sustain the types of relationships you want in all area of your life!
Credit: Jason Rue