Love is supposed to be the reason for getting married, but a good number of times, it’s usually not.
here are some of the worst reasons why people get married. Avoid them at all costs.
1. Because your parents want you to get married.
Parents are pretty good at laying guilt trips on their single adult children. Statements such as“Utaoa lini unipatie wajukuu?” are commonplace. Or, dear old mom might say, “Before I die, I just want to see you walk down the aisle.” Whatever form the parental guilt it takes, it’s never a good reason to get married. You need to live your life for you, and do what makes you happy. Giving in to this kind of pressure only opens the door for this type of parent to guilt you about even bigger things.
2. To Have your dream wedding.
This mostly applies to ladies. Of course, a wedding is a beautiful, amazing event that definitely strengthens a relationship and makes life better. On the flip side, there’s a lot of hype surrounding the wedding itself that can really make you want one in the worst way. Even if you’re not ready or your bae isn’t exactly the marrying type, the fantasy of having a dream wedding can certainly be a strong lure. The reality is, the wedding is just a single day. Your marriage is for the rest of your life. When you’re ready, you can have both. It’s okay to hold on to those dream wedding plans–just keep them to yourself until the time comes to share them with someone special.
Image: Instagram #Happilyeverleteipan
3. Because you’re lonely.
Many people have a hard time being alone. As you get older, it may seem like someone in your life is your ‘last chance,’ and they may start to look like good marriage material. Hold off on tying the knot if the person you’re marrying isn’t the love of your life. Settling for anything less may mean you miss out on that truly amazing special someone down the road. Remember: getting married is a good way to improve an already-great relationship, but it’s not the only road that leads to a happy life.
4. You’re feeling the pressure from bae.
There’s a lot of pressure in a marriage proposal, and it can be difficult to let your partner know you love them but just aren’t ready to take that leap. What’s even worse is when your beloved issues an ultimatum: “Marry me, or we’re through!” You may have a fear of commitment and a nudge of this sort might be just what you need to get over it, but it can also cause you to ignore gut instincts that will probably lead to canceling the wedding later on. It’s painfully hard to be honest, but if you truly love someone, it’s much easier than living a lie or having to admit later on that you never wanted to get married in the first place.
5. All your friends are doing it.
While hitting life’s milestones at the same time as your friends is great, there’s really no reason to feel left out if you’re the last of your group to head to the altar. It’s better to be the last to get married than the first to get divorced, so take your time. Besides, when you’re the last one to get hitched, your married friends can offer some really great marriage advice, and they usually have more experience in helping you plan your big day.
Images by Jay Franklyn Phoenix Jituboh
6. You are crazy in love and have never been in a single fight!
Butterflies, hearts, fairies unicorns and every other picture of love surrounds you when you think of this Mr. Wonderful! In fact, he’s perfect! Not to sound cynical, but my guess is, you either have known each other for 90 days or less, or someone is hiding something. Before getting married, it is critical that the marriage undergoes tests to challenge its strength.
7. You want to check marriage off your list.
You’ve nailed the fab career, got the great house, no one can mess with your killer style, you adore your friends, etc. So what’s left other than adding a new last name? Unless you want to add divorce to your life list, be wary of marrying just to be done with it.
8. There are kids involved.
Whether it’s because someone’s pregnant, or a biological clock is ticking, some people are still of the mind that having children is only an option if you’re married. Remember, if you or your girlfriend is pregnant, you have options that don’t involve getting married. If you or your partner can hear that biological clock ticking away, but you aren’t convinced your significant other is the right person for you, chances are they probably aren’t going to be the right person to share parenting responsibilities with, either. Having children can be a big motivator to take the plunge, but it shouldn’t lead you to a loveless marriage.
For the money.
If you marry a man for money, his position, etc, consider the fact that these things could evaporate at a moment’s notice. There are no guarantees that bank accounts will stay filled, that jobs will stay secure. A marriage built on financial dependency, materialism, lust or any other non-solid foundation is like building a house on sand. When the wind blows, which it will, your marriage will crumble. It’s important to remember that when you marry someone, you not only gain their assets…you also take on their debt. Some people put on an air of wealth, when in reality, they are broke. Even if you find someone who is truly well-off, it doesn’t mean the two of you will live happily ever after if love isn’t the main focus of your relationship. Make sure it’s love you’re marrying for, and not money.
Marriage is not a relationship that you rush into. If you rush into marriage, you rush out it’s that simple. When two people are in love, they have dated and know right from wrong, they treasure and know each others weakness and strength, you are humble and patient. Don’t look at your friend’s getting married, it’s there time. God is planning yours.
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